My Step Out of the Dark

Friends, fans, and everyone else: It’s been too long.

 

The last time you heard from me, I was sailing on the high of my last concert in Lynchburg, and waving goodbye to all of the well-wishers as I sailed away into the sunset.

 

It has been almost an entire year and a half since I fell off the planet. You may have noticed that I have been in hiding. There are many reasons why I have tried to disappear, and I wish that there was a smooth way of explaining everything in a single blog post.

 

Here is the short version of a story that I surely will be retelling for years: I fell into some success, and it made my head spin.

 

I found myself well-known to everyone except myself, happy in photos, but not in my heart. Loved by so many, but truly known by only a few. And the people that did know me, I pushed away, afraid of the moment when they would find me unlovable.

 

I got into my car and drove away from the person I didn’t want to be anymore. I ripped up some old letters that I had been re-reading for too long, threw away some photographs, left my regrets in the back of the closet and stepped out the door with only a sunrise in my eyes.

 

I came to my hometown in hopes for a quick recovery from the madhouse of my mind—looking for solace in my childhood home, the forest, old friends, and my family. None of those things saved me like I thought they would.

 

Then I fell in love. And among many protestors, I married him anyway. Here’s a life hint: being married is the single hardest thing you will ever do. But in case you’re wondering, I would marry Jeremy Claudio again every summer until the day I die.

 

I had planned for a few months of emotional recovery from my time in the spotlight, and it looks like sorting all these things out has taken longer than I thought.

 

This is my step out of the dark. I’ve got nothing new to sing right now, so I’m writing to you. There will be songs to come; that I promise. But for now, it's just words.

 

Here are some poems and essays about my falling and my getting up. I am so thrilled to share these things with you.

 

All my love,

Jane